At the risk of sounding like the old woman yelling, “Get off my lawn!” I think it’s time we get all the way real about mainstream rap music and our boys.
Photo: Francois Karm via Flickr
After years of being a dedicated hip-hop head, loving rap music like it was my first boyfriend, and spending countless dollars buying music, Source magazines, and concert tickets, I can no longer cosign the music I grew up on as suitable for our boys, especially when they’re young.
Turn on any popular urban radio station today and you’ll hear songs about busting it open, pulling down panties, disloyal hoes, and killing the competition—literally. And while rap music has been hyper-violent, overly misogynistic, and sexually explicit for more than two decades, as I mentioned in my article for MommyNoire, there used to be a balance.
At the same time Snoop Dogg proclaimed “b*tches ain’t sh*t,” Pete Rock and CL Smooth dropped T.R.O.Y., one of the most reflective, and beautiful, songs in hip hop history. And when west coast groups like NWA shined a bright light on the gang-infested streets of Compton and South Central Los Angeles, other artists talked openly about love, crushes, and putting ladies first. Back then hip-hop didn’t have one popular sound, but rather a diversity of textures and experiences that permeated through the music.
Today, however, that’s almost absent from the radio. Today most songs seem to be about sex, partying, and spending obscene amounts of cash on designer wares. Because of this, I don’t even bother listening to (urban) radio when I’m in the car with Le Kid. At 8, he’s far too impressionable for me to risk his little ears being assaulted by b*tches and n*ggas and hoes and murder—there’s enough of that on the news.
When Le Kid and I are in the car we listen to This American Life, Brains On (an AWESOME science podcast for kids), RadioLab, NPR, or XM Satellite’s Chill channel. And when I want to hear something with a little more bass, I switch to urban radio but patrol it like a hawk, listening closely for hints of inappropriateness.
While I don’t knock the young men and women who use rap to “write their way out the hood,” I don’t have to allow Le Kid to listen to it. At least, not yet.
So while he’s young and impressionable, rap is out. And when he starts sneaking his own music into his headphones (uh, like I did), we’ll talk about what he’s listening to and why what sounds good to him may not always be good for him.
But in the meantime, I’m keeping the radio off, because when it comes to raising healthy brown boys, De La said it best, “The stakes is high.”
July 29, 2014
Great read. I have a 5 yr old son who picks up melodies and great tracks like most kids. Of course, he has no idea what he is singing along to so I find it especially important to police the radio. He’s too young to let that mess sink into his brain unconsciously and while I’m around and conscious, I won’t let it go down.
July 29, 2014
I feel you. 5-year-olds may not know what all the words mean, but they’ll sure repeat it. lol.
July 30, 2014
I totally understand this!!!! Great Read!!!! I am a Christian so everything we listen to is Christian. But my husband loooooooooooves Lil’ Wayne and other rap music and he thinks it’s cute to have our 5 year old son singing it as well. So I am constantly praying God will change his heart when it comes to that!!!
July 30, 2014
Awesome post. We do.
My 12 year old son is so moved by music. If there is a happy song, it will lift is mood. Likewise, a sad song can make him somewhat pensive. He really FEELS the music he hears and neither he nor I want him FEELING music that encourages violence, misogyny, etc.
August 15, 2014
This is perfect. Just had the “Uncle so-and-so listens to such-and-such, why can’t I” discussion with my 10 yo. I love that he loves so much music, but I can’t support all of the messages that are being thrown at him. He’s old enough that when something questionable comes on I can ask him, “What does that mean to you?” He will either admit he doesn’t know what it means or get embarassed because he knows it’s inappropriate. I want him to be free to develop as his own unique self and I think that includes examining all the messages mainstream music sends him about his identity.
September 10, 2014
Unfortunately, this conversation isn’t just about brown boys. It’s also about every white boy who thinks brown boys turn into gangsters, about every boy of every color who accepts the lyrics which objectify women, about every girl of every color who thinks she needs to be sexy (or something like that) in order to be loved, about white girls who learn to be afraid of brown boys who turn into gangsters, etc.. It just makes me sad that we as a culture are willing to accept such a low standard for entertainment and that we are unwilling to demand more from celebrities in terms of how they impact culture. Push the envelope? Certainly. Be a bit controversial? Okay. But there is a huge difference between just putting out crap and being an original, thought provoking artist.
September 11, 2014
I totally agree.
September 15, 2014
Absolutely, Brittany! I extend it to Pop music (basically anything on the radio) as well. It’s not okay if the main voices a black child hears today from other black people are only the ones talking about drugs and reckless, heartless sex. I really wish more parents were aware of this! I, too, would never have imagined I’d have to put a ban on something so beautiful from my culture. But the mainstream has taken rap and completely sucked the soul and purpose out of it, and left it tasteless and morally obscene.
I’m on the hunt for rap songs, past and present, underground even, that I can play without worry or fear that it’s sending my child the wrong message.